After any kind of loss, depression is a frequent visitor, however, it does seem that a sudden death and particularly one from suicide opens up the possibility of extreme and sudden bouts of depression.
There are no easy answers, but remember this is to be expected and you need to tell people, talk to your doctor, explain what’s happened and don’t assume they will know. There are therapies and medications that in the short term can take some of the worst of the effect down a notch or two, and longer-term help may be needed.
One thing we heard that stuck with us was that depression can often be considered sadness without cause – indeed some suicides are chalked down to it. People with externally great lives, jobs, partners and kids etc cannot cope and take this tragic way out.
However Depression as part of grief is different, there is a very real reason why you are feeling like this, awful things have happened and are affecting your life in ways you would never have imagined, so why wouldn’t you feel bad? so don’t beat yourself up any more than you already are, ask for help and allow time for yourself as you slowly start to heal.