Life After Dan F.A.Q

F.A.Q

After a suicide, those left behind are left with questions, doubts and feelings that may seem obvious, silly or strange and often we are either scared to ask or don’t know who to ask.

We have put together the ones that we have gone through, and hope they help. If you feel like we have missed any, please ask below and we will try and help and include them.

Questions

  • “How many children do you have”? Am I still a parent?
    Getting the terminology right is like choosing the correct pronouns for someone. We found that answering this question comes up more than you think and until […]
  • “People Die” and other awful things people say
    Some people say the most wildly inappropriate things, and I choose to believe it isn’t deliberate and they have no idea how painful it is. Don’t […]
  • Anniversary’s, birthdays and big events
    Possibly the most painful days of the year, the first few times it was like being hit by a truck. Now after a few years, we […]
  • Bumping into people – constant reminder
    Until you lose someone you have no idea how many people look like them or know them and seem determined to ask you questions about how […]
  • Dealing with Funeral Directors
    The CO-OP funeral directors were very helpful.  They talked us through everything. There is no charge upfront either.  They meet with you in one of their […]
  • Depression
    After any kind of loss, depression is a frequent visitor, however, it does seem that a sudden death and particularly one from suicide opens up the […]
  • Facebook memories
    Facebook is a large part of many people’s lives, and also has an unintended ( we hope) ability to stab you in the heart over breakfast […]
  • Going back to work, or not?
    This is one of the things you have to face very early on. For us, it was all part of the day that Dan died. His […]
  • Good days and Bad days
    It goes without saying that there are good days and bad days, or good days and bad weeks/ months. We found a tip that works for […]
  • Grief and alcohol
    Like a lot of people, we drank too much following Dan’s suicide, it’s an easy way of slowing the world down and blanking things out, even […]
  • How to write a Eulogy
    At the funeral, it is customary for something to be said about the person that has died. That sentence is so simple, but the reality is […]
  • Obsession with death and fear that others will do the same
    If one person can kill themselves, then another can… that’s the thoughts you have, and when you find out that people exposed to suicide are 65% […]
  • Partner wont speak about it
    We have been lucky in this way as we both made a point of saying exactly how we feel about what’s happening and leaning on each […]
  • People don’t talk about it
    The painful truth is that people soon stop talking about the person that’s gone and what happened. Close family might but beyond that it soon fades. […]
  • Photos and memories
    4 years after we lost Dan, there are still some photos in the lounge we can’t turn around, or keep out of our eye line. The […]
  • Should I have a Wake?
    A wake is seen as a little old-fashioned sometimes, but they have been done for hundreds of years all around the world for a reason. After […]
  • Siblings and how they handle it
    Losing a sibling of any age is hard, they were your playmate, best friend/enemy and the person that shared your upbringing. The sudden loss puts them […]
  • Some days are just bad days
    Just feels like I am in some kind of nightmare. The last 8 weeks has been awful. I doubt everything about myself and I… Posted by […]
  • Step Parents
    As a Step Dad to Dan, I can write this with some insight. I knew Dan for 8 years and watched him grow from barely out […]
  • The Inquest – What to expect
    A death by suicide generally means an inquest. This is something that we have no idea about, and the very thought of is dreadful. so in […]
  • The place it happens and their belongings
    Depending on where the suicide took place you may need to deal with the scene once they have been taken away by the police/coroner We had […]
  • Their Workplace and colleagues
    Telling someone’s workplace what has happened is traumatic but required. They will have questions and there will probably be paperwork, collection of belongings, pensions, and possibly […]
  • What’s next? and dealing with your loved ones remains
    The funeral is done, people around you are starting to disappear and life is trying to be normal again, of course, it isn’t but the intensity […]

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