After a suicide, those left behind are left with questions, doubts and feelings that may seem obvious, silly or strange and often we are either scared to ask or don’t know who to ask.
We have put together the ones that we have gone through, and hope they help. If you feel like we have missed any, please ask below and we will try and help and include them.
Questions
- “How many children do you have”? Am I still a parent?Getting the terminology right is like choosing the correct pronouns for someone. We found that answering this question comes up more than you think and until … Read more
- “People Die” and other awful things people saySome people say the most wildly inappropriate things, and I choose to believe it isn’t deliberate and they have no idea how painful it is. Don’t … Read more
- Anniversary’s, birthdays and big eventsPossibly the most painful days of the year, the first few times it was like being hit by a truck. Now after a few years, we … Read more
- Bumping into people – constant reminderUntil you lose someone you have no idea how many people look like them or know them and seem determined to ask you questions about how … Read more
- Dealing with Funeral DirectorsThe CO-OP funeral directors were very helpful. They talked us through everything. There is no charge upfront either. They meet with you in one of their … Read more
- DepressionAfter any kind of loss, depression is a frequent visitor, however, it does seem that a sudden death and particularly one from suicide opens up the … Read more
- Facebook memoriesFacebook is a large part of many people’s lives, and also has an unintended ( we hope) ability to stab you in the heart over breakfast … Read more
- Going back to work, or not?This is one of the things you have to face very early on. For us, it was all part of the day that Dan died. His … Read more
- Good days and Bad daysIt goes without saying that there are good days and bad days, or good days and bad weeks/ months. We found a tip that works for … Read more
- Grief and alcoholLike a lot of people, we drank too much following Dan’s suicide, it’s an easy way of slowing the world down and blanking things out, even … Read more
- How to write a EulogyAt the funeral, it is customary for something to be said about the person that has died. That sentence is so simple, but the reality is … Read more
- Obsession with death and fear that others will do the sameIf one person can kill themselves, then another can… that’s the thoughts you have, and when you find out that people exposed to suicide are 65% … Read more
- Partner wont speak about itWe have been lucky in this way as we both made a point of saying exactly how we feel about what’s happening and leaning on each … Read more
- People don’t talk about itThe painful truth is that people soon stop talking about the person that’s gone and what happened. Close family might but beyond that it soon fades. … Read more
- Photos and memories4 years after we lost Dan, there are still some photos in the lounge we can’t turn around, or keep out of our eye line. The … Read more
- Should I have a Wake?A wake is seen as a little old-fashioned sometimes, but they have been done for hundreds of years all around the world for a reason. After … Read more
- Siblings and how they handle itLosing a sibling of any age is hard, they were your playmate, best friend/enemy and the person that shared your upbringing. The sudden loss puts them … Read more
- Some days are just bad daysJust feels like I am in some kind of nightmare. The last 8 weeks has been awful. I doubt everything about myself and I… Posted by … Read more
- Step ParentsAs a Step Dad to Dan, I can write this with some insight. I knew Dan for 8 years and watched him grow from barely out … Read more
- The Inquest – What to expectA death by suicide generally means an inquest. This is something that we have no idea about, and the very thought of is dreadful. so in … Read more
- The place it happens and their belongingsDepending on where the suicide took place you may need to deal with the scene once they have been taken away by the police/coroner We had … Read more
- Their Workplace and colleaguesTelling someone’s workplace what has happened is traumatic but required. They will have questions and there will probably be paperwork, collection of belongings, pensions, and possibly … Read more
- What’s next? and dealing with your loved ones remainsThe funeral is done, people around you are starting to disappear and life is trying to be normal again, of course, it isn’t but the intensity … Read more